Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
