Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize