So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We need to get me chipped asap
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
