So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
