I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
