I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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