FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
