you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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