Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize