i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
