dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
