At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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