It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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