We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
