saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
