looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize