i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
