a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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