What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Shame - the story of my life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
