It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
