it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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