i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
