i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
