I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
