As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
