: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize