So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
