You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
