i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Someone came in the potted fern
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
