I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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