Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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