We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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