I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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