tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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