she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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