I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
