No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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