Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
