peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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