You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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