She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
