we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
