Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
