he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
