if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
