Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
