so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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