im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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