i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You ruined the universe
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
