I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
