Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Randomize
