I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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