I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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