Don't make out with my wife yet
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
