just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
