tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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