I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
