my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
