the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
