so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
