he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
