i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
