And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
