Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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