We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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