I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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