My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
