I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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