Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
