After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
