in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
